Coping with Advanced Cancer

Sometimes, even with the best medical care, cancer can become too advanced for more treatment. If you’ve recently been told that your cancer is life limiting, you’re likely feeling many different emotions at once. Hearing that your cancer is incurable is shocking. It can be hard to know how to move forward.

You may not know exactly how much time you have left. But figuring out how to take care of yourself and make the most of the time you do have can help you cope.

Accept your feelings

Learning to ride the rollercoaster of emotions you’re feeling during this time is one of the most important things you can do. Let yourself feel your disappointment, fear, anger, and grief. It’s not unusual to be anxious or depressed. It may help to speak with a professional counselor or therapist who can help you navigate your emotions. Keeping a journal or making audio recordings can help you feel a sense of release. This can be especially helpful if you aren’t comfortable sharing what you’re going through with the people in your life. No matter what, making space for all your feelings is an act of self-compassion and self-love. Everyone experiences this news differently.

Care for your whole self

It’s important to find simple ways to care for your physical and mental health. Make sure to communicate regularly with your healthcare provider so they can help with pain management and other symptoms. Pay attention to your energy levels and rest when you need to. Speak with a professional counselor, find a support group online or locally, or reach out to family and friends for advice.

Try these simple self-care ideas. They may be especially helpful if you’re having racing thoughts, trouble relaxing, or worries that keep you up at night:

• Massage your hands, shoulders, and feet for a few minutes.

• Take a warm bath or shower.

• Go for a walk outside or sit near a window and feel the sunlight on your face.

• Watch a favorite movie or TV show.

• Take slow, deep breaths as you count to 10.

Share your news

Telling your closest family and friends can be one of the hardest and most upsetting parts of receiving a life-limiting diagnosis. But talking about it might help ease some of the heaviness you’re feeling. It also lets your loved ones offer their support and care in the days ahead. Here are a few tips:

• Don’t pressure yourself to deliver your news in a specific way. Think about what feels most comfortable for you. This could be in person, over the phone, or in an email.

• Keep the initial conversations brief if you are feeling too uncomfortable or emotional. Let your loved ones know where they can find more information about your diagnosis, like through trustworthy online resources or a personal blog with health updates.

• Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are community resources available to support you.

Prioritize your activities

Make a list of the activities that are most important to you during this time. It could be reading a new book you’ve been looking forward to, getting together with old friends, or taking a day trip. It might even be a longer trip. Talk to your care team for their support.. This may also be a chance to try something you’ve never done before or something you don’t get to do very often, as long as your body and mind feel up to it. Some ideas include:

• See a favorite musician in concert.

• Have a small dinner party with friends.

• Spend more time sitting outside.

• Look through old photos with your family.

• Write letters to your loved ones or record yourself on camera or audio. Share your favorite stories and memories.

Make important decisions

Set aside some time to face the difficult tasks of:

• Getting important documents in order

• Making a list of important passwords

• Creating or updating your will

• Organizing your finances

• Discussing your end-of-life care with loved ones

• Expressing your wishes for a funeral or memorial service, if desired

While these activities are far from fun, making these tough decisions now can help ease some of the stress you’re feeling. It also benefits your friends and family down the road. Remember, you don’t have to take on these tasks alone. Ask family, friends, or professionals to help. A financial advocate or social worker may be able to help with some of these things. Ask if these services are available through your healthcare facility.

Look after yourself

There’s no way around it—facing a life-limiting illness is incredibly difficult. Prioritize your needs and what’s most important to you. Make the most of this time, but don’t push yourself too hard. Ask for help. Know that any emotions you feel are OK. Your experience is yours alone. And know that your healthcare team, family, and friends are with you.